And so it is

My grandmother used to say "home again, home again, jiggidy, jog" when we neared the house after an outing. And that's where I am now, home again. Back in the bosom of my urban family, Sea and Ryan.

It's 1am and I can't sleep but I'm weary. I didn't want to come home and face everything. So much work, so little money, such horrible sublets. I wanted to hide away in my grandfather's big, empty house. Rattle away in piles of old photos, float endlessly in his suburban pool, silently work my way through his liquor cabinet. But, alas... Well, just alas.

It was so sad being in Texas at my grandfather's house. Some nights, after he would go to sleep, I would stalk quietly through the house crying. It was like wading through a cavern of time where only echos of the past could be heard reverberating in every corner. I'd like to go back there and be, just meld into the couch and be and write and try to discover what it all meant.

The music festival is even harder this year than it's ever been even though we have two years of experience behind us and the best location and best booking team we've ever had. I don't quite know what to do about it all. I want to just keep my head down for now and work work work but Thursday I have to face a room full of worried ATJ members and I don't quite know what to do, how to fix it all if we can't make it work. Every year since the beginning, it has been nothing short of a miracle it has happened at all. Do me a favor, say a few hail Mary's for my this year too.

Fear

Ever since I was very little and burned myself badly on my grandparent's heater at their house in East Meadow, I've been afraid of very hot things. I cringe every time someone puts something in the oven, often calling out "BE CAREFUL!" And when I take something out of the stove, I yell to anybody within earshot "THIS IS HOT, DON'T TOUCH IT!" This heater currently sitting in my grandfather's sun room makes me incredibly nervous, especially when my mother teeters past it coming ever so close.

Papa's Office

I've always loved being in my grandfather's office. He's messy like me but he always insists he knows where everything is, unlike me. I love all the mementos from his days at WQXR and especially his print of a Chagall poster for the Metropolitan Opera, where WQXR often broadcast from. Sometimes my mom would volunteer there on nights when my grandfather was working. He knew all the composers of the time. It's the one thing I want most in this house.

When my sister and I were little, right when my grandparents first moved here when I was seven, we used to sleep in his office on the fold out couch which was where the cb radio is now. Papa used to put on his old Apple IIC and boot up a program called Fishes which would just scroll little bitmapped fish across the screen. And when I was 13 and spent a summer here in Plano, I would sit in his office for hours at night, pretending I was Carmen Sandiego catching international criminals on his new pc.

A Visit to Aunt Billy's

Aunt Billy is my grandmother's sister and after my grandmother passed, I noticed how much she reminded me of her even though they weren't always the best of friends. My Aunt Billy is an amazing person and I adore her so much. Her house is like a kitsch museum. It could be overload but it gracefully moves over that into interesting. I wanted to stay for another hour just photographing things. When I go back next week, I'll make sure and snap some pictures of her art studio. I remember it being so magical as a kid with shelfs full of ceramics to paint.


we're part Chickasaw

Sargeant, my aunt's wily dog

there he is

mom (she hurt her foot)

aunt Billy and mom.

Papa, aunt Billy and mom

the Sarg



My uncle Mac and aunt Billy when they first got married

THE PHYSICS OF MEANING @ ROCKWOOD MUSIC HALL: THE SWEATS

THE PHYSICS OF MEANING @ ROCKWOOD MUSIC HALL: THE SWEATS

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The Cabin...

Like The Island but with less smoke monsters.

Every winter, a group of my friends and I go up to Brook's family cabin in the wilds of New Hampshire to go skiing. This year I brought Sea along for the first time. I think she handled the no running water thing quite well.

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ALL DRESSED UP LIKE A COWGIRL'S DREAM

ALL DRESSED UP LIKE A COWGIRL’S DREAM

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Texas, Day One

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